"Drive on," I said.

"Yes, Kevin, for our anniversary take clothing. You might be cold or wet or outdoors. We'll see how things develop."

With that, we hopped in the car for our anniversary weekend, pointed it towards Boise, and kept going. Passed exit after exit and at #173--"Take this one" I said. Twin Falls Idaho. Why there? I had a plan.

#1 I wanted to visit the sight of Rulon Keller's death. Remember him sisters? He was our home teacher when I was in my early teens. I loved him because he paid attention to me, not just my parents. He & two other LDS businessman hit a patch of black ice on their way to SLC and flipped their car into the Malad Gorge. Two of them died; the other lost a leg. Rescuers had to rappel into the canyon and one of them nearly lost his life. Afterwards dad's assessment was, "Of all the places on
Interstate 84 to hit black ice! It's just flat old desert for hundreds of miles and they had to go off road there."

I have been curious ever since. On the freeway you cross the gorge in half a blink and can't see a thing. Kevin and I spent several hours in the park, walking the footpaths, reading all the geology signs, and looking down down down into that narrow volcanic canyon where the Malad River is so compressed it roars and cuts the canyon ever deeper. I could not imagine how terrifying that rescue must have been or how they removed the car. Back then LifeFlight had not been invented but no pilot in his right mind would have descended into such a narrow slot anyway.

#2 Hagerman Valley. I tell you, it is one sweet drive from Bliss to Twin through this valley. Again, you can't see it from the freeway, but it is quite the contrast to drop down off the desert into 10,000 Springs, green pastures, trout hatcheries, and
colorful family fruit stands. You wouldn't expect Hagerman to have a chef in town, but they do. He's done game-cooking shows on the food network. I was set on having one of those trout I saw swimming earlier and it plus the wild rice were to die for.

#3 Temple Guess what? The Twin Falls temple does not rent clothing. So onto.....

#4 Herrett Planetarium & museum on the CSI campus. Well, we couldn't get our lazy selves out of the hotel in time for the 2PM star show, so we wandered the museum instead. You just never know where adventure awaits. It featured a Mayan history exhibit and was decked to the teeth like a jungle. (Think Indiana Jones ride @ Disneyland) This included boas and pythons and iguanas and neon poisonous tree frogs. At length I noticed an elderly gentleman opening the frog exhibits and tapping a canning jar coated in dust into the cages. "What for dinner?", I asked. "Wingless fruit flies" It truly did look like dust, but the frogs were hip hopping crazy all of a sudden.

This drew Kevin's attention which led to a conversation with Nick, the frog feeder. He said he was in charge of all the live animals in the exibit and in fact, had another 50 snakes and assorted reptiles in his basement offices. Did we want to see them? Yes we did.

Oh boy. Two hours later, I had seen a lifetime's worth. Turns out Nick was an amateur herpatologist who took snakes on the road for school, library, fair programs. He knew all his snakes by name and petted, cooed and talked to each as you would a beloved puppy. They were caged individually. He loved their colors, textures, and patterns. He knew all there was to know about their native countries. (These were exotic snakes, acquired from local pet owners who grew tired of the upkeep. No venomous snakes though) He detailed which had been abused as evidenced by their behavior when he got them and how it took 6 months to gentle abused snakes before they gave up attacking and biting at each feeding. We heard the story of the python who escaped into the ceiling. Nick, who knew every nook and cranny of the building, crawled up after him with fresh rat scent on his hands. The snake, catching the scent, leaped and coiled tight around Nick's arm, sinking his teeth in a full circle around Nick's wrist. SNakes have the kind of teeth you can't pry off. So Nick scrambled down the ladder to the nearest sink and held it's head under cold water. VIOla! He had a photograph to show us the bite marks and he said snakes don't have dirty mouths like dogs, so no infection.

We also learned by personal experience one thing they don't teach you on Animal Planet. An 80 lb python releases it bowels and bladder when shedding skin and makes a STINK to rival chicken manure! This was magnified by the deliberately close, warm, humid environment in which Nick kept him plus his 30 stinky snakey roommates which Nick insisted on showing/fondling one at a time. Thus proving to us yes, you can eventually become accustomed to one of the 10 worst odors in the world.

#5 We wondered why our hotel breakfasts were crowded with college kids in tight Wranglers, pointy boots, spurs and cowboy hats. CSI was hosting an intercollegiate rodeo with teams from all over Idaho & Utah. I like rodeo and I liked this even better than the Stampede. Smaller arena, up close viewing, rodeo stock every bit a jumpy as at professional rodeos.
I had never seen girl's goat-tying before. I will describe. A timid and trembly little goat is tethered at one end of the arena. bleeeat A girl on horse, charges from the opposite end, leaps from the horse, grabs the poor goat, slams him down on one side, and ties his feet. Well it was no wonder they had needed a fresh goat for each girl. I mean, I sat nose to barrel during the barrel racing and when those girls came tearing down the lane, you had to wonder if you wouldn't end up with horse and rider in your lap. Poor baby goats. I felt their fear.

The announcer was a hoot. Midway he announced the freeway between Burley & Utah was closed down for snow . "So you cowboys who reckoned on drivin' home tonight best git yerself to Walmart and buy a sleepin' bag instead."

So that was our anniversary. Snakes and cowboys. You don't see those on your average Caribbean cruise. (And the hotel served big fat cookies every afternoon.)

Finally, it pays off

So last night I took the family out for Oreo milkshakes at Jack in the Box. The gal rings up my total, then looks at me sort of funny and asks, "How old are you?" I had to think for a split second. "Hmmm, I believe that would be 55."

"Then you get a senior discount." she replied, subtracting 50 cents off each milkshake.

I fairly flipped cartwheels right there in front of my family. YESSSSS! I love this age.

Meanwhile, Kevin stood shaking his head behind me. He thinks I am being ridiculous. He'll never have this thrill because he won't admit to anything beyond 29.

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Note to Aaron and his Christmas wish list. Pssshaw! For you, I'm going off list

In honor of Halloween: a spider story

My first job out of college was in the management program for K-Mart. My first store was in San Bernardino, CA.
One of the store areas for which I was responsible was the garden shop. This included an outdoor area with aisles of bedding plants and flowers. Reporting to work daily at 8AM, I was supposed to walk through the plant aisles to reach the alarms panel or light panel, or some such device necessary for opening the store.

And what did I find? Not one aisle was safe to walk through. All night long--everynight--garden spiders, hundreds of them spun giant orb webs connecting aisle to aisle, petunias to pansies, rose bushes to venus flytraps. There they hung, all 8 legs spread-eagled in center of webs, big as Cadillacs, ugly as sin. It was my worst nightmare, compounded by the rest of the management team convulsed with laughter over sending the latest sucker, ME, to turn on the lights.

I can't remember how I handled it. Probably I conned an employee.

The thing is, by the time the store opened at 10AM, all spiders and webs had disappeared. Shoppers thronged, never knowing what was evidently lurking under leaves. At dusk, the spiders were on the job again.

You might want to consider this they next time you buy bedding plants. Check under the leaves.

Add this to one of the several dozens reasons I hated my year working for K-Mart. I've had two horrid, no good, very bad years in my lifetime. K-Mart and 6th grade.

Now if only someone would invent a Spider Death Laser. The spiders of September are moving indoors. Kevin sat at the table reading the morning paper & killed 4 honkin aberrations. I give him points for killing though. Usually he scoops them into canning jars, turns them loose in the hedge. I know for a fact they can run back to the house faster than he.

And our cats--such useless old ladies. They've nary a smidgen of aptitude for spidering.

I invite you to vote: Is releasing spiders back to nature far past the extreme edge of compassion?

This is for Morgan

Hey Morgan, Your aunt Chanel and I have shopped til we dropped for your birthday present. YES!!--we conquored. We can hardly wait for your birthday. hurry up, hurry up, hurry up

Spoke too soon

Never, never, never brag about not having a church calling. This is what I'm saying.

Teacher Development--I've done the calling several times before and find it to be a squeamish position. You don't want to ruin anybody's testimony or confidence but after sitting thru week after week of Sominex lessons (in all settings and age groups) you want to knock heads together.

Is it too much to ask a teacher to open their manual more that 24 hours before the lesson?

Ah well--we'll see how teachable college kids are.

Best things about a single's ward

1. It's 9:30 AM (Sunday) and I'm still in my jammies. Love, love, love that 1PM Sac Mtg slot.

2. Break-the-fast I don't have to cook on Fast Sundays

3. Monday night home evenings---way more fun than we Nelson were having on our own. I believe Kevin & I are tired after 32 years of Monday nights to plan. Nowdays we simply show up, whack golf balls, volleyballs, softballs or whatever other ball game they're playing and eat. Clarification: I do the above. Kevin gets waylaid to his office to accept confessions.

4. No church calling for me. The kids run the show and some have been adamant about NOT wanting the adult women's input or expertise. I'm all over that. Miriam Adamson, the former Bp's wife, described her job as the biggest church vacation ever.

5. My former 8th Ward members heaped loads of sympathy and condolences upon me. At first I thought I was entitled to such, but now I see I should be deflecting it back to them. 8th warders have all the work and I have all the fun.

6. My little black book--slowly but surely filling up with the names & interesting details of ward members. I study it before each Sac Mtg and thus walk in prepared to be friendly on a first name basis. Because of the constant turnover, some of the girls (and the counselors wives) have told me they simply can't keep up with new names and faces. Well hey, I tell them to get a black book. It's reputation proceedeth me. The kids say, "Here she comes with that book. Sis Nelson, what have you got written about me in there?" I declare--THIS shall be my church calling: Black Book Specialist

7. Kevin is focused. He juggles one ball now instead of a dozen. And he can't be grumpy at home anymore, because guess what? Inspiration does not flow when you bark at your wife. tee hee hee hee hee This is me doing a happy dance.

8. Just once in awhile, now and then, only sporadically we Bishoprickers get to plan a Monday Night Bishopric Special. First turn is coming up in 2 weeks. It's gonna be Nelson family games. i.e. the flour & marble game, pig out on cake game, and
thimble-of-water-in -your-face game. or some such hilarity

9. My friends at work, who don't really understand Mormon church structure, occasionally ask, "So how is Kevin's ......um....
uh..... um..... pastoring going?"

10. I'm pretty happy. My life has always been good. Now it's better.