Sunday, September 21, 2008

In honor of Halloween: a spider story

My first job out of college was in the management program for K-Mart. My first store was in San Bernardino, CA.
One of the store areas for which I was responsible was the garden shop. This included an outdoor area with aisles of bedding plants and flowers. Reporting to work daily at 8AM, I was supposed to walk through the plant aisles to reach the alarms panel or light panel, or some such device necessary for opening the store.

And what did I find? Not one aisle was safe to walk through. All night long--everynight--garden spiders, hundreds of them spun giant orb webs connecting aisle to aisle, petunias to pansies, rose bushes to venus flytraps. There they hung, all 8 legs spread-eagled in center of webs, big as Cadillacs, ugly as sin. It was my worst nightmare, compounded by the rest of the management team convulsed with laughter over sending the latest sucker, ME, to turn on the lights.

I can't remember how I handled it. Probably I conned an employee.

The thing is, by the time the store opened at 10AM, all spiders and webs had disappeared. Shoppers thronged, never knowing what was evidently lurking under leaves. At dusk, the spiders were on the job again.

You might want to consider this they next time you buy bedding plants. Check under the leaves.

Add this to one of the several dozens reasons I hated my year working for K-Mart. I've had two horrid, no good, very bad years in my lifetime. K-Mart and 6th grade.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Now if only someone would invent a Spider Death Laser. The spiders of September are moving indoors. Kevin sat at the table reading the morning paper & killed 4 honkin aberrations. I give him points for killing though. Usually he scoops them into canning jars, turns them loose in the hedge. I know for a fact they can run back to the house faster than he.

And our cats--such useless old ladies. They've nary a smidgen of aptitude for spidering.

I invite you to vote: Is releasing spiders back to nature far past the extreme edge of compassion?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

This is for Morgan

Hey Morgan, Your aunt Chanel and I have shopped til we dropped for your birthday present. YES!!--we conquored. We can hardly wait for your birthday. hurry up, hurry up, hurry up

Spoke too soon

Never, never, never brag about not having a church calling. This is what I'm saying.

Teacher Development--I've done the calling several times before and find it to be a squeamish position. You don't want to ruin anybody's testimony or confidence but after sitting thru week after week of Sominex lessons (in all settings and age groups) you want to knock heads together.

Is it too much to ask a teacher to open their manual more that 24 hours before the lesson?

Ah well--we'll see how teachable college kids are.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Best things about a single's ward

1. It's 9:30 AM (Sunday) and I'm still in my jammies. Love, love, love that 1PM Sac Mtg slot.

2. Break-the-fast I don't have to cook on Fast Sundays

3. Monday night home evenings---way more fun than we Nelson were having on our own. I believe Kevin & I are tired after 32 years of Monday nights to plan. Nowdays we simply show up, whack golf balls, volleyballs, softballs or whatever other ball game they're playing and eat. Clarification: I do the above. Kevin gets waylaid to his office to accept confessions.

4. No church calling for me. The kids run the show and some have been adamant about NOT wanting the adult women's input or expertise. I'm all over that. Miriam Adamson, the former Bp's wife, described her job as the biggest church vacation ever.

5. My former 8th Ward members heaped loads of sympathy and condolences upon me. At first I thought I was entitled to such, but now I see I should be deflecting it back to them. 8th warders have all the work and I have all the fun.

6. My little black book--slowly but surely filling up with the names & interesting details of ward members. I study it before each Sac Mtg and thus walk in prepared to be friendly on a first name basis. Because of the constant turnover, some of the girls (and the counselors wives) have told me they simply can't keep up with new names and faces. Well hey, I tell them to get a black book. It's reputation proceedeth me. The kids say, "Here she comes with that book. Sis Nelson, what have you got written about me in there?" I declare--THIS shall be my church calling: Black Book Specialist

7. Kevin is focused. He juggles one ball now instead of a dozen. And he can't be grumpy at home anymore, because guess what? Inspiration does not flow when you bark at your wife. tee hee hee hee hee This is me doing a happy dance.

8. Just once in awhile, now and then, only sporadically we Bishoprickers get to plan a Monday Night Bishopric Special. First turn is coming up in 2 weeks. It's gonna be Nelson family games. i.e. the flour & marble game, pig out on cake game, and
thimble-of-water-in -your-face game. or some such hilarity

9. My friends at work, who don't really understand Mormon church structure, occasionally ask, "So how is Kevin's
uh..... um..... pastoring going?"

10. I'm pretty happy. My life has always been good. Now it's better.